Prayers Needed

Saturday evening we spent a relaxing evening with my side of the family at a small lake near my brother Josh & his wife Cali's house. We sat on a hill and ate dinner together while we watched family members take turns riding a paddle boat around the beautiful lake. Cali seemed perfectly fine and told us all things with her pregnancy were going well and that she was feeling good.

However, yesterday things turned for the worse. After church Cali and their daughter Oakland decided to take a nap upstairs on their master bed. While they slept, Josh made himself a pizza and took it down to the basement to eat while he watched TV. About 45 minutes later, he got a phone call from Cali, who was just upstairs, telling him in a breathless voice to come help her. When he got upstairs, he found her gasping for air and going in and out of consciousness. He immediately called 911 and followed their instructions to revive her until the paramedics arrived to take over. They worked on her for several minutes inside the house and then worked on her for several minutes outside the house until the life flight helicopter landed and was able to transport her to the University Hospital.

For those that aren't aware, Cali is pregnant with their third child. Baby Mac, their first child, was stillborn full-term. Oakland, their second child was born healthy, however after giving birth Cali developed a blood clot in her leg from her ankle up to her hip and has struggled with blot clots since then. I believe she has what's called Factor V. Doctors have been monitoring this pregnancy very carefully and she's been on an anticoagulant to prevent the blood clots from forming again--however, the doctors think a blood clot may be the cause of what happened, but they are still in the process of determining the cause of all of this. When I left the hospital last night, Cali was hooked up to all sorts of life support machines and had started bleeding uncontrollably and the doctor's told us if they were unable to get the bleeding under control, they would have to terminate her pregnancy in order to save her. The baby is not viable at this point, which means she would lose the baby if that were to happen. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it would be for Cali to wake up from all of this and realize her baby is gone...especially after everything she's already been through with the loss of Baby Mac.

We just ask for your prayers on her behalf and on her baby's behalf. Cali is the most incredible woman and mother. She and Josh were the biggest support to us last week through our difficult time because they could relate more than anyone to the loss we were feeling. She and Josh have been through far more than their fair share of trials. Josh needs her. Little Oakland needs her. We need her. Please, please keep her in your prayers.


UPDATE: As of just a short time ago, the doctor's determined the cause of this was due to amniotic fluid traveling up into Cali's heart, which caused her to go into cardiac arrest. It may have also caused some type of neurological damage but they are doing some tests to determine the extent of it. They were able to stop the bleeding and her blood is clotting normally again. Sadly, they will need to take the baby in order to spare Cali's life and will be performing that surgery shortly. Our hearts are just breaking. We are praying and pleading for her recovery.

2 Years Ago

Happy birthday little buddy! We sure miss you!
Meeting you two years ago was one of the most sacred days of our lives.
We will never forget the feeling in the room when you were born and we each got to hold you for the first/last time.
The feeling was powerful beyond description--as if the separation between heaven and earth was non-existent.
You brought heaven to us that day and we will never forget it.

We love you and will never forget you!

Meeting Baby Oakland

On Sunday Bryson finally got to meet Oakland! The hospital she was born at didn't allow kids to go inside the day she was born so Bryson had to wait until we saw Josh & Cali again on Sunday to meet her. Six days is a long time for a 2-year-old to wait! He was sure excited when he finally got to meet her.

With Granny Goose.

With Grandpa "Hink."

With the cousins. She fits in perfectly!

She's Here!

Josh and Cali have graciously deemed me the privilege of being the first to announce via blog the arrival of Oakland Mae Hinckley! I just returned from the hospital and she is absolutely gorgeous! I will let Josh & Cali share with you the details of Oakland's birth on their blog in a few days, but I at least wanted to get some pictures posted of the little beauty for you all to see!

Just 45 minutes old! I'm sure Mac had a lot to share with her before sent her here to earth. What a little blessing she is!

Mac's Day

Playing with Mac.

Happy Birthday Mac!

It was one year ago today that my little nephew was born. Stillborn. I've never had a very good memory, but I can remember June 27th, 2008 as if it were yesterday. It's a day I will never forget, because it's the day I was blessed to hold an angel! Mac, for as long as I live, I will never forget the feeling in the room when I held you for the first and last time. It's the closest thing to heaven I've ever felt. You were the purest, most holy little person I have ever held in my arms and I feel so honored to have been able to share those brief moments on earth with you.

I want you to know that during the few moments I held you in my arms, you forever changed me. As I looked at you, I saw the person I want to become. I saw into the eternities and was reminded of what's really important (the gospel & family) and that everything else in life (aka: the "temporary stuff") should never take priority over "eternal stuff."

Most importantly Mac, you brought me closer to my Savior. You helped me learn that hard times, sacrifice, and suffering are important and necessary steps in our journey to becoming more like our Savior and for that I am especially grateful.

Mac I love you! I miss you every time we get together as a family and you are not there. I miss that you and Bryson will never get to play together on this earth. But I know you are where you are suppose to be, fulfilling the special mission God has prepared just for you--a mission on the other side that only you are qualified to fulfill.

Mac, you have touched so many lives on the earth you never even lived to see! Someday your parent's will tell you all about it. You are amazing and have blessed us all!

I love you and can't wait to see you again!

Love,
Your Aunt Erin

Mother's Day

Mother's Day weekend was rejuvenating in so many ways. I've had so many thoughts on my mind this weekend and thought I'd share some of them in this post.

I think all of my thoughts stemmed from the beautiful funeral I attended on Friday for Jen. Her funeral was a great reminder of how important it is to live life with an eternal perspective. It inspired me to live a life without regrets. Ryan (Jen's husband and lifelong friend of mine) is such a great example of the refining power trials can have and radiated such a powerful testimony of faith, particularly as he dedicated his wife's grave. On Mother's Day my thoughts were especially with their 3-year-old little boy Noah as he experienced his first Mother's Day without his mother and with Ryan as he experienced his first Mother's Day without his wife.

Mother's Day afternoon was spent with my side of the family. We ate dinner as a family and then went to Wheeler Farm to feed the ducks and enjoy the beautiful outdoors together. To me there is nothing more heavenly than spending time outdoors on a beautiful day with family. It was perfect.

As I watched Bryson's excitement as he chased the ducks and visited all of the animals, I thought about how grateful I am to be the mother of such an amazing little boy. I learn from his perfectly pure example every day.

I was reminded what a blessing it is to be alive and surrounded by all those I love most. I was reminded that every moment I have with them should be cherished and not taken for granted. We never know when the ones we love most might be taken from us or us from them.

I thought of Bryson's birth mother and how grateful I am to her because she made it possible for me to be a mother. We sent her a text yesterday thanking her once again for the precious gift she has given to us. I think we have probably thanked her over a hundred times, but it will never be enough.

As I watched my mom and dad interact with their grandchildren I thought about how blessed I am to have been born of goodly parents who taught me the gospel and have always been such amazing examples to me. I love them so much!


We also visited baby Mac's grave. As I sat in that peaceful place watching Bryson run from grave to grave, I thought about all those I love who still have empty arms--either because they have lost a child and/or because they have yet to bear children. My heart ached for them.

After visiting Mac's grave we rolled down the windows, cranked up Soft Sunday Sounds on FM100, and went for a drive around the city.

On our drive I was reminded of all of the innumerable reasons I love Mike as he made me practice my beat boxing. Yes, you heard that right--BEAT BOXING! We ended up laughing so hard at my pathetic attempt that we almost had to pull to the side of the road. I think the only reason Mike likes me to practice is not so I can get better (I actually think I get worse), but so he can have some great entertainment. Mike is amazing at it and has already started teaching Bryson how to do it. Sadly, I think Bryson is already a better beat boxer than I am.

The day was perfect and a great opportunity to reflect on my blessings and the many areas in my life I need to improve.

Life is amazing!

Life Rules.

Long Time, No See

Yes, we are still alive. I'm so sorry for the long delay in posting. Here's a quick review of what we've been up to the past week or so.

We had a fun Terrific Tuesday at the Living Planet Aquarium.

They've recently added on some new exhibits. Bryson loved it.

I love that Bryson is learning how to pretend. In this picture he was pretending to be a little puppy dog. He barked, scurried around, and drank from a bowl just like he sees dogs do. It was so cute!

He loves to play with these animals. I always find them lined up behind these fences at random places around the house. He lines them up like this because every time we go to visit animals, that's how they are--sticking their heads over fences at us.

We had a fun Easter egg hunt this year with my family. Last year Bryson didn't have a clue what was going on, but this year he caught right on and found the eggs like a pro.

It was cute to watch all of the kids look through their loot after the hunt.



We were out by Mac's grave on Terrific Tuesday so we decided to stop by to say hello and to tell him that we missed him.



The kids loved exploring the baby graves to see what fun things were on each of them.


This past week we also went to visit my friend Ryan and his wife, who has been given only a few more weeks to live. It was heartbreaking to see her in the condition she's in. She doesn't seem to be in a lot of pain, which is good, but she is definitely not the same Jen we know and love. After visiting with Jen for a little bit we went downstairs to visit with Ryan. He is so strong. Through tears he shared with us his powerful testimony of eternal families and how he knows he'll be with Jen again someday. His faith is so strong and is such an example to us. Please continue to keep them in your prayers.


We also went to dinner with Sarah, who I taught on my mission and her husband Gary, who use to work with Mike. We went to our favorite Chinese restaurant of all time, China Lily, and had a fun visit with them. They are moving back to Texas in a few weeks, so it was great to spend time with them one last time before they go.


And that about sums up the last week or so...

and now I'm caught up....

almost. :)

New Arrival!

Did this picture make you think we adopted again? I wish. This is Bryson's newest cousin Zoey. She's the third child to my big brother Zack and his wife Heather.

She was born on Monday morning and is so precious. I love her little double chin in this picture. She was born just a few rooms down from where her cousin Mac was born, so being there again, waiting in the very same waiting room, brought back a lot of the same emotions we felt with Mac's birth. It was kind of a bittersweet experience. But we are so blessed to have her in our family and I'm sure Mac gave her a special hug to give to his mommy because she was the last one with him.

Bryson loved touching Zoey's head and just stared at her. He was so gentle with her and kept pointing to her and saying, "baby." He will make a fabulous big brother someday--hopefully soon!

FYI: we plan to turn our adoption papers in sometime this year. :)

Christmas

Here are a few highlights from Bryson's Christmas...

Getting pulled on a sled around the neighborhood by Uncle Randy...

(Bryson couldn't get enough of it).

A special visit from Santa (Bryson was a fan until he was put on Santa's lap).

Opening lots of fun presents in new jammies.

Spending hours and hours playing with his new toys.

Here's a video of Bryson's first experience with Santa. It's about 5 minutes long and ends showing the special gift Santa gave to Baby Mac for Christmas.

A Walk to Remember

On Saturday my family attended the annual Walk to Remember which is put on by Share Parents of Utah (a pregnancy & infant loss support group). We attended in honor of baby Mac and had such a wonderful time.

After a tear jerking memorial service and a short walk, they had a balloon release.

We all signed a balloon that was released in honor of baby Mac.

As each babies name was read, their balloon was released. This is Mac's balloon soaring into heaven.

This event was such a great opportunity for Josh and Cali to gain strength from the many others who have been through what they have. They are so amazing!

I thought these roses were so beautiful. They gave them to each mother of an angel baby.

After the walk my family all met up at McKallister's grave to visit and eat pizza. This is a picture of us on the drive over there. I had to post it because of how cute Bryson looks smiling at the camera from the back seat.

We're so glad that we got to participate in this event. Baby Mac's death has been a means of bringing our family so much closer together. We love Mac so much and can't wait to meet him someday. Thank you Josh and Cali for allowing us all to take part.

McKallister's Autopsy Results

Josh and Cali finally got the results of Mac's autopsy back and they've given me permission to share the results here because I know that many of you have been following their story and have been interested to know exactly what caused his death. Here's what the autopsy stated about the cause of death:

"Autopsy examination revealed the cause of death to be an umbilical cord accident. Specifically, the umbilical cord was excessively long and, consistent with the clinical history of a tight nuchal cord, there was a prominent ligature mark on the neck. In addition there was significant cerebrovascular congestion and hemorrhage, secondary to vascular obstruction from the nuchal cord, and systemic evidence of fetal stress."

Josh and Cali seemed to receive the results with great calmness and strength, but that shouldn't surprise us because they have truly been beacons of strength throughout all of this. These results have helped re-confirm in their hearts and each of our hearts that it truly was God's will for Mac to leave us. We sure love him and will miss him!

**Update: I removed the link to the voting website that was previously here because although flattered that Mac's blog was nominated for that award, Josh & Cali have decided not to encourage people to vote for fear the competitive nature of voting may distract from the true message and purpose of his blog.**

Seven Peaks

This past Monday we went as a family to Seven Peaks Water Park to celebrate Cali's 21st birthday.

As a family we gave her this beautiful picture of Christ praying with a little boy. I'm sure that Mac prays often for his mommy and daddy.

It was so fun to play with Bryson in the kids area, lazy river, and wave pool. Bryson LOVES the water and especially loved going down the kiddie waterslides. He couldn't get enough of it!Bryson had fun with Grandpa Hink and Granny Goose, who were kind enough to watch him so that Mike and I could enjoy some of the big water slides together.

It was great to spend time with family. We had a blast!