Today I want to share some info from a book I absolutely love and hope you've all read or will read. Mike and I love this book so much that we give it as wedding presents to people. It has totally changed our marriage and we know it can change yours too! There's tons of information in this book so I'll just give a brief summary of what the book covers:The Five Love Languages is amazing and teaches the importance of being able to express love to your spouse in a way that your spouse can understand. According to Dr.Chapman, unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we fail to understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to feel loved. Each person has a unique way in which they need their love tank to be filled. Learning about the five love languages can not only work to improve your marriage relationship, but can also help you improve every relationship around you. Just try it--you'll see.
Here's a brief summary of the five love languages (you can read more about each of the love languages here):
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:
- Communication: Use compliments, affirmations, and kind words
- Actions: Send notes, cards, and emails. Leave comments on their blog
- What to Avoid: Criticism, sarcasm, withholding compliments and forgiveness
- Example: A note left on the windshield expressing your appreciation
QUALITY TIME:
- Communication: One-on-one time, not interrupting, face-to-face conversations without distractions
- Actions: Take long walks together, do ordinary things together, take a trip
- What to Avoid: Long periods of time apart, more time with friends than partner
- Example: Take the dog for a walk together, leave the kids at home!
- Communication: Use action words like: "I can," "I will," and "What else can I do?"
- Actions: Help with the house and yard chores, acts of kindness, maintenance and repair
- What to Avoid: Helping others while ignoring partner's requests for help, putting partner second
- Example: Mop the floor without being asked
RECEIVING GIFTS:
- Communication: Honest-sincere gifts that show you listen
- Actions: Give gifts on special occasions, give gifts for no reason at all
- What to Avoid: Forgetting special days
- Example: Bring home a flower or gift one day for no reason at all
PHYSICAL TOUCH:
- Communication: Use non-verbal communication
- Actions: Touches, hugs, kisses, holding hands
- What to Avoid: Physical neglect or abuse
- Example: Touch your partner's shoulder as you pass by
How to determine YOUR love language
You can either take this quick test to determine your love language or ask yourself the following questions:
- How do I most frequently express love to others?
- What does your spouse (or others) do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply?
- What do I request most often of my spouse?
Make sure your spouse knows your love language and that you know theirs so that you'll know how to keep each others love tanks full.
Tank Check: Dr. Chapman recommends that you have a "Tank Check" 3 nights a week for 3 weeks. Ask one another "How is your love tank tonight?" If, on a scale from zero to ten, it is less than 10, then ask "What can I do to help fill it?" Then do it to the best of your ability.
The key to strengthening relationships, is to speak the love language of those around you. In order to do that you need to know what others love languages are.
My primary love language is words of affirmation, which means I feel most loved when I receive words of affirmation from others through notes, letters, emails, comments, words, etc. I also feel most hurt when I am criticized or when words of affirmation or forgiveness are withheld from me. Since words of affirmation is my primary love language, it is also the way in which I most naturally express love to others. (FYI: Mike's love language is also words of affirmation).
Now that you know my love language, I need to know yours! After determining your love language, please leave me a comment and let me know what it is so I know how to best show my love to you. :)
